she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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