I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
