meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
