He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
