Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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