he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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