i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's shark week go big or go home
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
