I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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