you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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