I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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