i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
