I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
