The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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