So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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