Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
