I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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