Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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