I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize