Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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