Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
