I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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