Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
