He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
