Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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