having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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