Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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