Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
