so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
