We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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