I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
