he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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