My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
