return my video game
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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