Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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