My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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