I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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