we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
