I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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