so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
