I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
