She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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