she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
