So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize