I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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