Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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