So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
