420 ftw
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
