so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
