I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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