oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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