apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
