remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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