Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
