she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
