I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
