why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
