is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
