Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
