hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
