she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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