I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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